Divorce: A Blessing or a Curse?
By Joanie McMahon PsyD (ABD)
Although I have not personally experienced divorce, my perspective is informed by numerous conversations with people who have gone through it or are in the process of doing so. Currently, as a widow seeking a new partner and having dated several divorced men, I have also gained insights through my counseling work. Here, I share observations based on these experiences.
Divorce often carries a negative stigma, and many who have experienced it feel a sense of shame or failure. This lingering emotional weight can make it challenging to move forward with optimism and excitement.
Understanding what divorce truly represents can be enlightening. I believe that having the option to choose whether to remain with a partner is something worth celebrating. In the past, people often stayed in unhappy marriages due to religious beliefs, societal expectations, or concerns about their children or community reputation. Today, more people can make this choice without losing respect or value in their communities.
It’s natural that sometimes people are meant to be together for a specific period or purpose. When it becomes clear that a relationship no longer aligns with one's needs or desires, it would be ideal if this transition could happen gracefully, with dignity and mutual respect.
Often, divorce brings significant distress, particularly when there is an imbalance in financial resources. The division of possessions can feel more like a burden than a benefit. Occasionally, I encounter individuals who resolve their separation amicably, without involving lawyers. These individuals often report feeling more at peace than those who engage in legal battles.
Involvement of lawyers can sometimes exacerbate conflicts, as legal fees may exceed the value of assets divided. While lawyers have their place, their involvement can sometimes prolong and worsen the situation, driven by financial incentives.
As we evolve, our approach to divorce can shift. By reframing divorce not as a mistake but as a natural clarification of what we currently want, we can reduce the associated angst. Perhaps we could use terms like “Clarification” or “Change of Mind” instead of “Divorce” to remove some of the negativity surrounding the process.
Evolution is a sign of progress. The ability to choose again is a positive development. People grow and change, and sometimes couples are simply heading in different directions. This does not negate love or care but signifies a desire for different paths. Viewing this transition as gentle and positive, rather than harsh and punitive, can be more constructive.
However, when contemplating divorce, it’s important to remember that we carry our own issues into new relationships. If we do not resolve our past grievances, we may recreate similar issues in future relationships. Taking time to achieve clarity and positive emotional state before entering a new relationship is often beneficial.
If a relationship is ending because of a partner’s negative behavior, caution is advised. We attract experiences that match our own vibrational state. Focusing on a partner’s positive traits will invite more positivity into the relationship, while dwelling on negatives will only attract more of the same. This pattern will persist if we do not shift our focus.
Before making a significant decision like divorce, aim to be at peace with the current situation. Align yourself with your true desires and listen for internal guidance. Act when you feel a strong, positive affirmation—“Hell, Yes”—and wait until you are in a better emotional state before taking action.
Isn’t it wonderful that we can evolve and change as our lives expand? If you need support in navigating this decision or moving forward, please reach out to us to clear any doubts and find clarity.
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